Shout out to all the supportive men that go into the birthing arena overwhelmed, excited, nervous, confused and protective!
Shoutout to the men who remain supportive to the women who are bringing their children into the world.
Shoutout to the man who watches his beautiful well dressed wife turn into an all day pyjama wearing sleep deprived crazy milk leaking weirdo that smells like spew… and still have wisdom enough to know to tell her she looks beautiful anyway.
Shout out to all the dads that stay up late settling your baby so that she can go to bed, to the dads that change nappies and don’t ask for a trophy, to the dads that don’t know how to wrap a baby but die trying, to the dads that talk goo goo gah gah to their newborns, to the dads that sing their babies to sleep and rock them in your arms. Shout out to any Dad that tries.
Well done dude!!
Now, as a Doula, here’s my observations so far;
Expecting Fathers are really really really happy to have someone there to support them. I know, I know, the woman is the one in labour, she is bringing new life into the world etc etc BUT so is DAD.
Huh? I hear your confusion, but alas i speak the truth, you see for a Man to watch his beloved in this way is hard. It goes against his natural instincts to allow his woman to ‘suffer’ without wanting to deck somebody! His presence, his touch, his encouragement, his love, his admiration in these moments are a powerful thing for a woman giving birth. The loving touch of a supportive partner has been proven to reduce the intensity of the pain felt. Think about when you hurt yourself, or when you are sad, or anxious; is it not one of the most comforting things to receive a cuddle from someone you love and who you know loves you back. And when you see somebody sad or hurt do we not go to them and place an arm around their shoulders to let them know you want to make them feel better or get them help. ( this reminds me to do my next blog on the power of touch!)
So with all of these actions, He too is helping bring this life in to the world in the safest way possible. Yes I know, some women scream profanities at their man, she tells him he will never lay a hand on her as long as she lives, she glares and growls at him as she confirms that this is “his fault” (oh the fun of it all) but actually those moments of aggression never last, eventually she wants his hand firmly in her grasp, she wants to feel him close to her, she wants to know he will stay right next to her and not let go. Its like a rollercoaster no theme park could ever offer.
Now not every male becomes a good man and not every man becomes a good Dad. So when you have a man step up to the plate and take on that challenge with love, dignity, sincerity honour and sensitivity lets give him a high five. Lets acknowledge that he too is doing a phenomenal job, that his efforts are not in vain, that he is worth the love he is giving and we are proud of him for showing up!
I love watching husbands become Men when they become fathers. I love seeing how this teeny tiny being can change a selfish, arrogant or naive partner into a dependable, giving, nurturing, strong leader of his family. I love the way men show their love in the birthing room. How they become vulnerable and oh so proud of their woman. I also love when a man is man enough to say he needs the help he knows we can give him. When he understands that this too is a huge act of love for his unborn child and that mother. How when he gets the support he needs, he can then be the support they need.
Women may go through things that a man can never understand but lets also admit that the same of the opposite is true – We as women will never understand what a man is going through in that labour room either. We don’t know what is like to watch our partner change shape and moods and personalities while they grow our child inside their body, making connections with that new little soul before it is even born. There’s no room for competitions in parenting.
It was the incredible support I received from my own husband that inspired me to want to give support to others.
So lets give a heartfelt round of applause For the love of Dads.